It’s been a few weeks since I wrote a good, positive, uplifting, motivational post so here goes…
Well… as the title suggests, it’s about living for the now, living in the moment, focus on the now, whichever way you care to phrase it…and…changing a positive into a negative…swap NO for YES.
A few people I know, naming no names of course, follow a downward spiral of fear and anxiety, triggered by a thought and not necessarily an event.
An example would be… ‘oh no, I’m late leaving the house, oh god…I might miss the bus….which means I’m going to be late for work, my boss will be mad, I’ve been late a couple of times, she doesn’t really like me, maybe she will give me a warning or sack me, I need this job to pay the mortgage, I can’t lose the house’……… you get the idea right… a terrible thought process that can be crippling…it causes more worry and stress, even illness…
Another example would be worrying about a bill you need to pay in August, when it’s only January. Rather spend your time planning how you are going to tackle the issue than spending wasted energy on the negative thoughts of the consequences of not being able to pay the bill. Focus positively, figure out how much you need and what you can do to get it. It might be as simple as asking a close friend for help or making a few sacrifices on going out or buying things that could make the difference.
Sometimes we even worry about what people will think of us if we know we are going to do something in the future, a decision or an action. Stop…ask yourself the question…’Can I change the way people will think?’ In most cases, the answer is no. People will think how they want to think. Now clearly I’m not advocating the complete disregard to the feelings of others, but I’m also not advocating the ignorance of one’s own needs, emotions and feelings. You don’t make bad decisions on purpose…you make the best decisions you can with the information you have to hand at the time…sometimes they work out…sometimes they don’t…that’s just life…none of us have a crystal ball…although clearly some people do try to have us believe they can predict the future.
‘Being in the moment’ is about dealing with the now…what can I do about something ‘now’. If you can’t do anything about it now, then is it really worth worrying about it ‘now’. Be mindful of it, know that you need to do something about it, but don’t waste your thoughts on worry. Plan, yes…now that’s much better!
‘Live in the now’… look around you at where you are, the things and people around you, the smells, the textures, the feelings and the emotions. Understand what makes you feel good, what makes you happy, remember those things, those situations. Store them in your memory so that you can put yourself in those environments as often as you can to give yourself positive energy. People often comment about how lucky other people are and that things never happen to them. Well I say that isn’t true…I say those people just put themselves in more positive situations to allow good things to happen rather than saying no to things.
Similarly, analyse negative situations, but rather than focusing on the negative feelings and thoughts…focus on what it was that made you feel that way. Was it a person or place or an event. We can, for the most part, make our own choices about these things…we can decide who we want to see and not see, the places we go to or the actions we take. This is kinda like the ‘detox’ blog posts I wrote…if you have negative people, places or events in your life, get rid of them. They are draining and no good will ever come of them.
A certain someone taught me how to become a ‘why not’, not ‘why’ person… a bit like the film ‘Yes Man’. Saying yes to things you have never tried, seen, heard, smelt, felt or experienced is much more fulfilling than saying no and never knowing…it means you have dismissed something you don’t understand without giving it a chance. Clearly I’m not actively encouraging saying yes to everything immediately, clearly you have to decide when their needs to be a filter on it, but don’t let that filter be the word ‘No’. How about you say, ‘before I say yes…can you give me the details so I can think it over’. This way you have already associated the word yes with the event… you are just applying common sense and logic by saying, tell me more, help me understand what it is I’m getting myself into…you’ll have much more fun this way…you may end up saying no, but at least you have understood what it is you’re declining.
People that constantly turn down invitations to do things will simply end up not getting invitations in the future…here’s an example…’why don’t you ask Fred if he’d like to come to the race track with us?’…. ‘nah…he never says yes, he’ll just moan about the noise and the weather’. Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be known as a Fred. I would rather go down in history amongst my family and friends as being the ‘let’s invite Lee, he always says yes and is game for anything’.
Just for this moment…I want you to think 20, 30, 40, even 50 years ahead…you’re at home with your grandchildren… they’re sat on your knee… all happy and smiling…’so tell me grandma/grandpa…what did you do when you were young?’ A very daunting question isn’t it…well…perhaps it doesn’t need to be. Your reply could go one of two ways… 1) ‘oh not much, I wasn’t very active, I just liked to stay in’…….OR…. 2) ‘well let me see dear…there was a time I went swimming in the pacific ocean, a time I did a parachute jump, the time I went to a gig to see…’ I know which option fits me…
A real life….my life…. Example was just this week I was in a management meeting at which I was told about a cycling event from London to Brighton to raise money for charity…all I asked for was some small details…like when…to make sure I am available...and who the charity is so I know it’s one I’d like to support…once I had that information… my reply was ‘I’m in…sign me up’. I didn’t even ask how far it was… I guess that’s because I’ve learned over time through running half marathons that almost anybody can achieve anything if you put the right level of effort and training in…the only thing standing in your way….is YOU. Imagine the fun I’m going to have, the people I’m going to meet, the satisfaction knowing I’ve managed to achieve what transpires to be a 60 mile night ride from London’s capital, to the wonderful seaside town of Brighton…amazing.
Now to show you the flip side of the coin…how debilitating negative thought can be. Ok, so…same meeting…(HR rep)…’hey our company is thinking of paying the entry fee for a number of people that would like to do the London to Brighton bike ride’…(negative Norris)…’me, on a bike, never, I can’t do that, I’m totally out of shape, anyway, I haven’t been on a bike for years, it’s at the back of the shed, I know I’ll get an injury at some point and not be able to go to work or take the kids to school, the roads will be dangerous at night anyway, I won’t know anyone, I could get lost, how will I get home, I’ll be stranded, no, no, I’m not doing it’.
See what I mean… which one are you? The difference between the two outcomes is very simple…it’s like flicking a switch, say no…negative thoughts…say yes…nice positive thoughts…’simples’…. even if it doesn’t turn out to be the best experience in the world, or I do find it tough…at least I’ll have the memories to look back on and share…’remember when I tried that bike ride, lol, man that was tough’….rather than… ‘I have no idea what doing that bike ride is like because I chose not to do it’.
Here’s the trick, even if you do have a bad experience, keep saying yes, keep trying new things, learn about the things you like and what you don’t, rather than live wondering…I urge you, I plead with you…your life will change for the better, that I promise you.
So the next time you get an invitation…what are you going to say? YES!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment