Well Being Wednesday: Leave It Open Or Close It?

As I sat in my kitchen yesterday morning studying for my life coaching course I stopped for a moment and sat in contemplation...

The view to my left seemed to strike a chord with me...here's my reasoning and my views on how some people think about what they see...their thought process and how it defines who they are, their beliefs and 'self-talk'.

So what was your first reaction?...what did you see?  How did it make you feel?  Here's how different people view the world...which one best suits your beliefs...and then think about which one you'd like to be most like...

Belief 1 - I see cold...grey clouds, wet grass...stay off that, I don't want to get wet...the grass needs cutting, look at those leaves on the floor, I must pick them up before someone slips over on them and hurts themselves and ends up in hospital, then they'd blame me and never want to see me again, I'm such a bad person.

Belief 2 - Aaaaaaggggghhh it looks miserable out there and I'm getting cold... (closes the door).

Belief 3 - Wow look at the vibrant colours out there...it's a crisp morning, I'm going to leave the door open and just put a jumper on so I can breath in the fresh air....or what a great day for a walk with the dog, I love wearing my wellies and splashing in puddles.


Well....which one resonated with your initial reaction...how do you feel about the way you reacted.  Do you believe it to be a healthy or unhealthy belief?

Belief 1 would be considered Unhealthy as it had a downward spiral of negative thoughts that ultimately lead to the individual believing they were a bad person.

Belief 2 is boarder line unhealthy, but didn't follow the negative downward spiral of thoughts...but still not a very happy and positive response.

Belief 3 is a healthy belief in that the individual saw more that just what they could see through the door frame...they soaked up the view, felt it, and then let themselves wander off into an upward spiral of positive thoughts about splashing around in puddles...

I'm a '3' by the way...in fact, what I wrote is exactly what I was thinking at the time...and yes...I did take the dog out for a walk in my wellies and splash around in puddles and the river Thames...happy times.

So how can you start to make a change to your beliefs?  Firstly you need to recognise your beliefs, write them down...how do you see yourself, others, the world and life in general?

If you find that you have unhealthy, unrealistic thoughts...then perhaps you might consider that our thoughts turn into our feelings.  If we think negative things then we will feel negative and down in ourselves.

The truth is that it is very, very hard to change the way we think, but it's not impossible.  They're only thoughts...and we control them...nobody else tells us what to think...try this exercise and see how you react and feel.

Think about a job you hated or a boss you disliked...think about how that job made you feel at the time...think about how that boss treated you, the thoughts you were having at the time...'I hate my job, I'm so bored, I don't feel challenged, there must be more to life'...'I can't believe he/she is treating me this way, why me, what did I do, it feels like I'm being picked on'.

Pause for a moment...think about how you are feeling right now...write down your thoughts and how they made you feel.

Now, as soon as you have finished writing them down I want you to do this exercise...

Think about your favourite place you've been to on holiday...think about the great time you had visiting all the sights, the people you met, the friendships you made, the wonderful food you ate...the glorious weather, the great tan you came back with, the happy memories.

Now pause again....write down the thoughts and how they made you feel...how do you feel now?  Different? Do you have a smile on your face?  Forgotten about how you felt when thinking unhealthy thoughts?

So the trick is to recognise when you are on that unhealthy thought trail...and have a trigger for switching to healthy thoughts.

This could be done in many ways...perhaps a happy memory photo in your purse/wallet, some notes you made from doing the second part of these exercises, a YouTube video that makes you laugh, a song on your iPod that always cheers you up...create your own 'Happy Trigger Thing'.

Being able to switch your train of thought is called 'Self-Talk Interrupt'...and if you can master this, you are well on your way to a much happier, healthier, more fulfilling life...but please note...this change in process, thoughts and beliefs does not happen over night...it takes as long as it takes, so don't be so hard on yourself...just continue to believe that you are on the right path to improving your life and give yourself a break.

Knowing that it is ok to 'relapse' is to accept that we are all human, we all make mistakes and we can all slip up in our thoughts...but this experience will now help you to know how to prevent it in the future...so if you do relapse, write down what triggered it and how you felt.  Then bring out your 'Happy Trigger Thing'...learn that the world has it's challenges and you will experience yours, but with a smile and a Happy Thought...the world won't seem so bad!!!

I hope this has helped and I'm not saying it is going to have an immediate impact on you...all I ask is that you give it a go, what have you got to lose?

As I take my path through the life coach course, I will try to share with you what I'm learning...and remember that...I'm learning too so yes I may make mistakes or say some things that you disagree with...but at least I got you thinking!!!