This one is to satisfy those people that keep asking me to write more stuff that makes them laugh and not so serious like my other stuff... namely Rebecca!
I’ve heard many stories from women that tell me about a guy who just wouldn’t ask them out...even though they had shown them interest. Let me tell you...this baffles the hell out of me.
Guys by nature I guess need to feel in control and yet they
won’t take control of a situation like this. I can understand why, having been one of the most shyest people I know through my early years...in fact right up until I was probably 24 or so. I felt so uncomfortable asking girls out. I got very embarrassed and fumbled my words and just didn’t know how to talk to a girl confidently. But when I think about this...is it any wonder? We go through our lives without really getting any coaching on how to handle these situations. Unless we are fortunate enough to have relationship experts for parents...which most of us don’t, where were we supposed to learn how to ask a girl out, how to handle a date, how to understand what a woman needs. We certainly don’t get taught it at school. And our peers don’t really give us any help... they more often than not, laugh at us and take the mickey...well...they did with me.Throughout my childhood I watched how the girls always seemed to go for the rough guys, the ones that were always in trouble, smoking, drinking or stealing cars lol... these guys somehow had the gift of the gab, which gave them confidence, which the girls found attractive. But oh how things change... when the girls grow up into women and realise that the lovable rogue isn’t going to be faithful, isn’t going to provide for them, isn’t going to be showing a caring sensitive side or understand their needs.
It was only when I worked for a good friend of mine who kind of ‘embarrassed it out of me’ did I start to become confident...and when I think about it...that was about the time that I got interested in drinking... the old Dutch courage certainly came in handy. It’s amazing how drinking alcohol changes the boundaries of what you would normally say...
My job has also taught me how to become comfortable in situations where you don’t know anybody. Having the ability and confidence to walk into a crowded room and be able to strike up a conversation with anyone...even though you don’t know them, really helps when it comes to asking women out on a date. So I now take the approach of... ‘I’d rather take the chance and tell a woman how I feel, than risk not finding love and her not knowing how I feel’.
The bottom line is we’re all searching for ‘the one’, that special person that makes us feel alive, makes us feel like we are needed, someone for us to care after, someone that will care for us.
The strangest thing is that the harder we try to find love, the further away it feels. On the flip side, we must be mindful of not totally switching off to finding love otherwise you will become negative about it ‘I will never find the one’, ‘I’m unlucky in love’, ‘no one will want me’.
The art to this is finding the balance between not appearing desperate and not appearing interested at all. We MUST however, put ourselves in as many situations as possible to allow nature to takes its course (with a little help). You need to be forward and flirty and a bit cheeky at times to let a woman know you are interested, they respond very well to this, it gets you noticed, but don’t overstep the mark and be rude. You need to know when to back off and put it down to experience. When a woman doesn’t react positively to our attention, it doesn’t always mean that it’s a definite no... consider that this woman may have never set eyes on you before, will not know your nature, what makes you tick, or whether you will treat her how she wants/needs to be... so they are very protective of themselves (the nice ones I’m talking about). We must build trust, make them feel comfortable and make them laugh. Don’t always go ‘in for the kill’ straight away. But you MUST make sure she understands your level of interest.
An example of this would be if you were out grocery shopping... you’re walking down the aisle and you see an attractive woman. You fancy her, and you catch her eye.. or maybe she hasn’t seen you... You can still approach her... ‘excuse me... I don’t mean to interrupt, but I just had to tell you that I think you are very attractive’. And here’s is the key... then turn around and walk away... she will be stunned, flattered and confused all at the same time. An attractive woman is so used to guys throwing themselves at them, that they fully expect the ‘coooor you’re fit, can I have your number’ line... this let me tell you, will invariably never work.
Having walked away, she will be thinking ‘wow, that doesn’t usually happen, and he didn’t even ask for my number’. Then just as you are about 10-15 feet away. Stop... turn around... and she WILL be looking at you... you walk back up to her and say ‘I’m sorry to bother you again, could I give you my number as I’d like to take you out to dinner when it fits with your diary’. This means that she has your number and does not feel vulnerable by giving out hers. If she is interested, she will call/text you. If she says ‘No’ she doesn’t want to take your number, then your response would simply be ‘I understand, I am just some random stranger you’ve never met, but like I said, I just wanted you to know that I think you are very attractive’.
Now, she will either, change her mind and take your number, or she will politely decline...at which point, you have to respect her answer and say ‘well it was very nice to meet you anyway...my name is (give your name)... enjoy the rest of your day’. That way, if you bump into her again, she at least knows your name and that you are polite and weren’t like all the other guys that have hit on her. This approach can be used at almost any venue and not just in a store. The key thing to remember is that we must accept that is isn’t going to work every time. Once you accept this, the rejections become less important on your state of mind... not every girl you meet and fancy is going to want to have a relationship with you...but if you don’t ask...how will you ever know?
So ladies...don’t be so harsh on your guy... remember...he’s had no training...guide him, talk to him, let him know when he says or does the right thing...and guys...I say go for it...what have you got to lose? Show you’re not afraid...you might just surprise yourself!
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