This is quite a deep one today but hopefully it will give you some food for thought about how to not only recognise anger, but control it.
It’s within our human nature to have angry thoughts when presented with certain situations. However, there are different degree’s of anger...irritation, annoyance, frustration, rage...and all need to be dealt with in different ways.
It all stems from our caveman/woman days...when we were being chased by larger predators or felt threatened by another human to the point where we fear for our lives...commonly known as ‘Flight/Fight’..meaning we either remove ourselves from the situation or we stay and fight for our lives...literally.
But let me remind you, there are no dinosaurs today...we are unlikely to be eaten by anything..unless you stick yourself in shark infested waters or jump in to an alligator pit. So why then do we still see such fits of rage that causes humans to fight one another...or...and this is what I want to discuss, we get angry to boiling point with one another at home, within the working environment, when your flight gets cancelled, someone cuts you up on the roads, the hotel is fully booked, your car breaks down? Sound familiar? If it’s not you then I bet you know someone that shows their anger in these kind of situations.
There are 2 types of anger...transient and long-lasting...transient is when someone flips and the flick of a switch to a certain situation...the chemicals in their brain change in a flash and you see the anger in them..like when the kids have been winding you up all day and you lose your cool...or an argument with a loved one or family member...all the kind of situations that can affect our relationship with these people...one that leaves us feeling guilty and apologetic.
The long-lasting anger is evident in people that are constantly angry at the world...when their view of the world is different...they don’t see sense and reason, only anger...people that go looking for trouble, people that totally lose their cool and hold grudges for long periods of time.
So what am I getting at here? How can people learn from this? More importantly, how can they learn to control their anger and put it in to context?
I guess you need to break it down to each situation really. Understand the ‘threat’ level...and apply the correct level of anger. The key to this is to not ‘react’...but to ‘respond’. Reacting to a situation means we are instinctively doing something without giving it any thought and what the outcome might be or the consequences. Responding however, means the opposite, we’ve given ourselves some space to think about the situation, access the threat level and formulate a response to get the best result possible.
An example of this would be if you arrived at the airport and your flight was cancelled. How would you react? Would you fly off the handle shouting and screaming at the airline staff...getting louder and louder, making a spectacle of yourself and putting fear into the staff? Or would you take a few deep breaths...think about what the consequences are and put it into perspective? Could you catch the next flight without their being any issues...are you just being unrealistic...surely it would be better to reason with the staff and show your frustration in a different way by explaining your circumstances, how flexible you can be and discussing what the options are? You are more likely to get a positive outcome from this...the person that lost their cool and flew into a rage is probably at the back of the queue when it comes to sorting passengers out.
Similarly, when at work...clearly there would never be any threat that should trigger your flight/fight reactions...we aren’t going to be harmed or injured in any way. The people surrounding us are all their to do a job the same as you. So if you are presented with a situation that is unfavourable, you don’t get your way, or you are asked to do something you don’t agree with, just stop for a few minutes...or count to 10...think about how you would be perceived if you got angry and started shouting and swearing at people...they would think you were unreasonable and not someone they want to work with. Instead, why not take a few minutes to understand what it is you are being told, try to see things from the other perspective, try to think about what the implications and consequences are and counter with a strong yet controlled argument where you get your point across not by shouting but by calmly expressing why you feel so strongly. Your point of view is more likely to be heard and you will be seen as someone that is passionate yet not unreasonable.
The next time you have to return something to a shop because it’s broken or not fit for purpose, or your gas bill comes through and has been calculated incorrectly...pause...think...’what do I want to get out of this?’ ’is it really that important to me?’...’is it life or death?’. You are more likely to get a satisfactory outcome if you portray that you are annoyed yet reasonable...the person in the store or on the other end of the phone won’t put up their defences and will feel compelled to help you resolve your situation...and if they don’t, don’t get angry, simply ask to speak to their manger and explain the situation in the same calm manner to them, they are more likely to be trained in conflict resolution.
So relax, stay calm, give yourself time to understand the situation don’t let the red mist descend...show maturity, show reason...proportion the level of anger to the situation. And if you just so happen to get chased by a Tiger...feel free to go into a rage.
No comments:
Post a Comment